Your family has two stable sources of income and there are thousands in savings. There is plenty of money coming in to make life comfortable but somehow it’s not. The air in the house is tense when it comes to money and usually a catastrophic topic.
When the two of you were penniless, you fought over the slightest unnecessary expenditures and it was easy to see where you fell short. The fights were expected even understood because things were so financially tight. Now you have extra money and no idea why discussing it still seems gritty and uncomfortable.
The problem stems from the disparity and difference in money mindsets. If one partner has an abundance (Spender) mindset while the other has a lack (Saver) mindset, the two rarely meet in the middle.
People don’t develop a money mindset they inherit it. Most of our development happens before the age of 12 and we copy and repeat what we learn in our home. The dynamics to this is very complex given some adapt and model the home behavior while others turn and do the exact opposite. No matter which, it’s important to identify your money mind and work to adjust to a livable level.
There is another inherent problem. Society tells men that it is their job to provide and protect the family. Accepting this posture and position leads to a lack or saving mindset. It is believed that in order to adequately provide, we need more resources in our storehouse. Therefore we need to stop spending, pinch pennies and save all we can. To hell with vacation.
On the other hand, women historically have been groomed to be caretakers and nurturers. This disposition sets in contrast to the men by way of needing more resources to provide a better home life and nurturing environment. We need a vacation to recharge our batteries and rest.
Most families never make it to a modified agreement, they just simply don’t talk about money and or fight when the subject comes up. In reality, the person who makes the most money usually takes the dictating position. They tend to subvert their will on the
monetary direction the family takes. Likely this leaves their partner in the dark or at times simply less informed.
A successful solution calls for:
- Acknowledgement
- Accommodation
- Action
The two of you need to Acknowledge that your on different hemispheres when it comes to money. Identify where the differences are and LISTEN to each others disposition and understanding of what they see and where they think to family is headed.
The key word in the acknowledgment step is to LISTEN. We are all waiting to speak our side and processing a rebuttal instead of really being present in the conversation.
Accommodation requires that you leave your hemisphere and meet closer to the equator. This is hard because change is uncomfortable and giving in is difficult. You both think your right but you need to be right jointly. Accommodating both sides may take several discussions and maybe even an outside party to help both sides discover a joint plan.
The key word here is NEED. Any marriage that is to survive lovingly must come to a common ground or someone will feel slighted and someone will feel used. Love will fly out the door if unresolved. Can you say DIVORCE?
The third key is to take Action. You have figured out how to accommodate a joint plan and now it’s time to implement. It is not enough to say it, you have to do it. Make the changes doable and digestible. This may mean implementing it in phases. Once spenders and savers are on the same page, stay on that page lovingly.
The key word is IMPLEMENTATION. Nothing happens by just talking, doing is where results come to life.
You’ve heard the saying that more money brings out more of what you already have inside. This means more saving or more spending based on your money mindset. Fortunately if a joint plan is adopted, it will lead to a more loving relationship.
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